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Dances with Beagles
Colonial Settler
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 19 2002
Status: offline
Donating Member |
 Posted - August 04 2005 : 4:55:50 PM
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Ahh, Summer! My favorite time of year (not really) because this is when the winners of the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest are announced!!
Named after Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, he of "It was a dark and stormy night" fame, it is a contest to write the opening lines for really bad novels!
Here are a few, to whet your appetites:
After months of pent-up emotions like a caffeine-addict trying to kick the habit, Cathy finally let the tears come, at first dripping sporadically like an old clogged percolator, then increasing slowly like a 10-cup coffeemaker with an automatic drip, and eventually pouring out and noisily wailing like a cappuccino maker complete with slurping froth.
Chris Bui
Pensacola, FL
The double agent looked up from his lunch of Mahi-Mahi and couscous and realized that he must escape from Walla Walla to Bora Bora to come face-to-face with his arch enemy by taking out his 30-30 and shooting off his nemesis' ear-to-ear grin so he could wave bye-bye to this duplicitous life, but the chances of him pulling this off were only so-so, much less than 50-50.
Charles Jaworski
North Pole, AK
The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant for those who hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice for those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time during the actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it but your brain wasn't reacting yet to let you know.
--Patricia E. Presutti, Lewiston, New York (1986 Winner)
Go and check it out!
http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/
Perhaps some of you would like to compose bad lines for Last of the Mohicans! (I had to try and tie it in somehow!)
Nancy
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richfed
Sachem
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 13 2002
Status: offline
Administrator |
Posted - August 05 2005 : 05:36:37 AM
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| Those are WAAAY too funny! Glad I wasn't on that list! |
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Stephanie
Gathering Sachemess
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
June 23 2002
Status: offline
Donating Member |
Posted - August 05 2005 : 10:53:46 AM
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Ah yes, Nancy, I always look forward to the results of this contest. Here are my all-time favorites from a couple of years back:
"As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it."
"Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall 'Andre, creep...Andre, creep...Andre, creep..."
Stephanie |
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Wilderness Woman
Watcher of the Wood
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
November 27 2002
Status: offline
Donating Member |
Posted - August 05 2005 : 12:31:18 PM
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Oh! I love that last one, Steph!
Wish I were that creative. |
"It is more deeply stirring to my blood than any imaginings could possibly have been." |
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