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CT•Ranger
Colonial Militia
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
October 14 2002
Status: offline
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 Posted - December 25 2003 : 11:47:58 AM
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Thought this was too funny not share. 
"You may be a fundy atheist if one or more of the following apply to you...
1. You know for a fact there's no truth.
2. You find you have a grudging respect for fundy theists for ‘sticking to their guns’ even while complaining they don’t think for themselves.
3. You dislike how liberal theists try to interpret the Bible for themselves, while you create your own interpretations of the Bible for yourself: (a) Exodus 34 contains a new set of 10 Commandments; (b) Jesus asked His disciples to slay all His enemies.
4. ‘Thinking for yourself’ means adopting an atheist viewpoint.
5. Any scholar who believes in a historical Jesus must be a theist. If they are an atheist, then they must secretly want to be a theist.
6. You demand that theists explain news items where bad things have happened to theists, even though no theists on the board have claimed that belief in God is some kind of a lucky charm that wards off bad luck.
7. You demand that theists explain news items where theists do bad things, even though no theists on the board have claimed that it is impossible for theists to do bad things.
8. You became an atheist when you were 10 years old, based on ideas of God that you learned in Sunday School. Your ideas about God haven’t changed since.
9. You think that the primary aim of an omnibenevolent God is for people to have FUN.
10. You believe that extra drippy ice-cream is a logical proof against the existence of God, because an omniscient God would know how to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, an omnipotent God would have the ability to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, and by golly, an omnibenevolent God wouldn’t want your ice-cream to be extra drippy.
11. When you say “I don’t know” you are being brave and honest. When a theist says “I don’t know” they are being dishonest and are trying to dodge the question.
12. When your thoughts on any complex matter are sensible and clear, and a theist’s thoughts on any complex matter are mental gymnastics.
13. You leave ‘freethought’ tracts lying around, like the littering missionaries.
14. You have actually calculated, for purposes of “argument by outrage”, an estimate of the number of people drowned in The Flood.
15. If someone says ‘God Bless’ when you sneeze, you make them ‘take it back!’
16. You debate (argue, vilify, etc.) as if every theist was a Jack Chick fan.
17. You can quote from the bible better than most missionaries...at least the parts where someone dies.
18. The only Commandments you know are the ones that are unconstitutional.
19. You can’t remember if she was Mother or Sister Teresa, but you can name every pedophile priest listed in the media over the last seven years.
20. You label all scholars that actually believe the Bible as “biased fundies” while those who don’t believe it are known as “honest” and “accepted scholarship.”
21. You believe that planes, computers, calculators, compasses, etc, were “all obviously designed,” yet the human body, being intricately more complex was “obviously a product of biological evolution.” It seems the more complex the apparatus, the more obvious the “fact” that it was not designed.
22. You believe that when our forefathers are framing the Constitution, they’re staunch deists, but when they’re beating their slaves, they’re Bible-believing Christians.
23. Although you’ve memorized a half a dozen proofs that He doesn’t exist, you still think you’re God’s gift to the ignorant masses.
24. As a member of the Skeptic’s Society you pride yourself on being skeptical of extraordinary claims. You also pride yourself on silencing everyone who is skeptical of the extraordinary claims of evolution.
25. Issac Newton does not count as an example of a great scientist who believed in the Bible since he died before the Origin of Species was published.
26. You believe the astronomical siz
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YMHS,
Connecticut•Ranger
Thomas Thacher
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SgtMunro
Soldier of the King
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
September 23 2002
Status: offline
Donating Member |
 Posted - December 26 2003 : 6:13:33 PM
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Excellent post, Ranger Thacher, and very true in content.
Your Most Humble Servant,
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Serjeant-Major Duncan Munro
Capt. Thos. Graham's Coy.
42nd Royal Highland Regiment of Foote
(The Black Sheep of the Black Watch)
"Nemo Me Impune Lacessit"
-Or-
"Recruit locally, fight globally." |
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securemann
Deerslayer
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
July 08 2002
Status: offline
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Kaylynn44
Mohicanite
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
July 13 2002
Status: offline
Donating Member |
Posted - December 26 2003 : 9:55:25 PM
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Or in an airplane when it hits some turbulence!!!
Kay |
~ An Infinite Zephyr~
Some things never end
As long as goodness exists
Winds shall always soothe
www.cloudsbooks.com
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Carter
Colonial Militia
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
August 28 2003
Status: offline
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Posted - December 27 2003 : 1:37:47 PM
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| Or at big college football games when it is fourth and goal and the game is tied with 5 seconds left. Right Theresa? LOL |
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Scott Bubar
Colonial Militia
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 17 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - December 28 2003 : 09:23:18 AM
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| I find the belittling of others' religious or philosophical beliefs to be quite offensive. |
~~Aim small, miss small. |
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Carter
Colonial Militia
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
August 28 2003
Status: offline
Donating Member |
Posted - December 28 2003 : 5:51:41 PM
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| Hmmm no belittling here Scott. To belittle means to imply that something is unimportant or of little value. What I believe we were doing here is using humor to demonstate a point. |
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richfed
Sachem
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 13 2002
Status: offline
Administrator |
Posted - December 29 2003 : 06:26:56 AM
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| Having a hard time with this one, Scott - are you serious or tongue-in-cheek? |
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Scott Bubar
Colonial Militia
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 17 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - December 29 2003 : 10:18:16 AM
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| I'm quite serious, Rich. |
~~Aim small, miss small. |
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Kaylynn44
Mohicanite
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
July 13 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - December 29 2003 : 11:09:35 AM
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Hi Scott,
I sent you an email. I don't know if you received it or not, but I do apologize if I offended you in any way. That wasn't my intention. Actually, when I wrote my post, I was thinking of a friend of mine that went out to Las Vegas with my husband and myself last October, and every time the plane hit any type of turbulence, I saw him with his eyes closed and his lips were moving, and he isn't very religious, but I do believe that he was doing some talking with the Lord;-) But seriously, we all know that on a public board, whenever we talk or joke about religion, then there are bound to be some people offended. We can't expect everyone to believe the way that we do. We have Baptists, Catholics, Jews, and many other denominations, but we will also have people that either don't believe or aren't convinced that God exists, and we should take their feelings into consideration too. We wouldn't think about joking about the Jewish religion, would we? I don't mean that we have to agree with their thoughts, only that we don't have to joke about them. I am truly sorry if I offended you Scott!!!
Kay |
~ An Infinite Zephyr~
Some things never end
As long as goodness exists
Winds shall always soothe
www.cloudsbooks.com
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richfed
Sachem
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 13 2002
Status: offline
Administrator |
Posted - December 29 2003 : 1:24:50 PM
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If you sent it off this board, Kay, it probably never arrived. That's a little problem for our server right now.
Sorry, Scott, if you felt offended. I don't think that was the purpose, but I understand. Throw the word "Catholic" in there, and I might have been offended. Take your pick ...
Anyway - a danger of political/religious/sociological discussion ...
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Carter
Colonial Militia
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
August 28 2003
Status: offline
Donating Member |
Posted - December 29 2003 : 1:40:35 PM
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Aw, how sweet! I guess when I read something that I might consider offensive I first look at the person's intentions and heart. I save feelings of being highly offended for people who set out to deliberately hurt or slander or insult someone. That was not the intention here. I guess when you get right down to it, most jokes take aim at something: Blondes, fat people, football, religion, politics, etc. I guess if I were an atheist I would have to laugh over the fact that some people pray at football games or that they pray that God is going to save them from a plane crash.
Ok, I'll crawl back under the rock I came from now. LOL
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Scott Bubar
Colonial Militia
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 17 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - December 29 2003 : 1:45:33 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Kaylynn44
Hi Scott,
I sent you an email. I don't know if you received it or not, but I do apologize if I offended you in any way. That wasn't my intention. Actually, when I wrote my post, I was thinking of a friend of mine that went out to Las Vegas with my husband and myself last October, and every time the plane hit any type of turbulence, I saw him with his eyes closed and his lips were moving, and he isn't very religious, but I do believe that he was doing some talking with the Lord;-) But seriously, we all know that on a public board, whenever we talk or joke about religion, then there are bound to be some people offended. We can't expect everyone to believe the way that we do. We have Baptists, Catholics, Jews, and many other denominations, but we will also have people that either don't believe or aren't convinced that God exists, and we should take their feelings into consideration too. We wouldn't think about joking about the Jewish religion, would we? I don't mean that we have to agree with their thoughts, only that we don't have to joke about them. I am truly sorry if I offended you Scott!!!
Kay
I only open that email account once in a blue moon, Kay. There was nothing offensive to me about your post. Perhaps I should note that this isn't a matter of being personally offended. I don't particularly identify as a atheist. However, my reaction was to the list posted by CT--not to the following posts.
Sorry for not making this clear.
I also realize that this isn't CT's work--it's one of those well-worn internet things.
It's also possible that I may be overreacting a bit, but in spite of the humor and limitation to "fundies", it strikes me as rather mean-spirited.
Now, I did find this one mildly amusing, from another such list:
"You make a point to cry out 'Oh, Random!' during sex." |
~~Aim small, miss small. |
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richfed
Sachem
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 13 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - December 29 2003 : 7:09:09 PM
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Good point, Carter ... and I definitely agree. The spirit of the person making a remark has got to play into the scenario. In this instance, I don't believe anyone was deliberately intending to hurt any other person here. These days, many of us do seem to be hyper-sensitive, and working for the sickeningly PC Postal Service, I can tell you that I have come to frown upon the word "offended." I mean we were asked not to use the phrase, "Merry Christmas," lest we offend someone.
On the other hand, I like & respect Scott & wouldn't want his feelings hurt.
I think he's over it a bit now, so you, Carter, can come on out from under that rock! |
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SgtMunro
Soldier of the King
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
September 23 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - December 29 2003 : 11:04:54 PM
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I agree Sachem, I often think that we Americans have gotten too thin a skin along with soft in the midsection, in the last couple of decades. I mean, as a Christian (Roman Catholic), I have experienced pop culture bashing me and my beliefs for the last thirty or so years, you do not see me crying "foul" or "mean spirted". My beliefs are such that I am above being "offended" by someone making sport of my faith. I feel that God loves all, even the ignorant, so I do not feel personal offense or even insult because of the strength of my faith.
Just some of my thoughts...
Your Most Humble Servant,
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Serjeant-Major Duncan Munro
Capt. Thos. Graham's Coy.
42nd Royal Highland Regiment of Foote
(The Black Sheep of the Black Watch)
"Nemo Me Impune Lacessit"
-Or-
"Recruit locally, fight globally." |
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Carter
Colonial Militia
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
August 28 2003
Status: offline
Donating Member |
Posted - December 30 2003 : 08:38:02 AM
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"I think he's over it a bit now, so you, Carter, can come on out from under that rock!"
ROFL! I dunno. It's a cold cruel world out there!  Whew! I'm glad nobody's mad anymore!
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securemann
Deerslayer
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
July 08 2002
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Posted - December 30 2003 : 11:32:50 AM
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| I think you all offended my pet rock when you all talked about rocks like that.So there!!!!! |
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securemann
Deerslayer
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
July 08 2002
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richfed
Sachem
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 13 2002
Status: offline
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Kaylynn44
Mohicanite
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
July 13 2002
Status: offline
Donating Member |
Posted - December 30 2003 : 1:38:33 PM
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I haven't even thought about "pet rocks" since I was a teenager. Never had one. Sheesh, now I feel underpriviledged!!! I guess that it's a good way to have a pet and never have to worry about feeding or cleaning up after it. I'm gonna have to go and get me one now!!!
Kay |
~ An Infinite Zephyr~
Some things never end
As long as goodness exists
Winds shall always soothe
www.cloudsbooks.com
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Wilderness Woman
Watcher of the Wood
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
November 27 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - December 30 2003 : 4:31:01 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by richfed
Best pet I ever had!!!
Ho-hum... Bo-ring! Give me a dog or a cat anyday. Or a guinea pig. Or a chipmunk. Or a goat. Or a pig. Had 'em all, but not necessarily inside the house! |
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Christina
Deerslayer
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 27 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - January 05 2004 : 7:21:42 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by securemann
Ya'll do remember pet rocks?
Oh my yes! I had two...the classic rock which came in its own little "pet carrier" and then at a State Fair, I won a Pet Rock Necklace which was basically a pet rock on a chain...so I guess, was I carrying it around on a leash really?
Christina
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See this face? This is the face of a woman on the edge.
Whoopi Goldberg, "Jumping Jack Flash"
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Christina
Deerslayer
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 27 2002
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 Posted - January 05 2004 : 7:24:45 PM
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And at risk of offending (gasp!), I thought CT Ranger's thing was hilarious and just a good piece of humour. I cover religion for a living, and frequently get "challenged" in gatherings by area resident atheists and secular humanists and whatever just over the fact that I write about religion at all, whether it's Christian or Buddhist or Zoroastrian. My take: "fundamentalist" raving atheists are just as annoying as anybody else who tries to bash you over the head with their faith, run down your personal beliefs and impose their values on you.
Just my take...hope I haven't offended. Please don't pelt me with pet rocks.
Christina |
See this face? This is the face of a woman on the edge.
Whoopi Goldberg, "Jumping Jack Flash"
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Christina
Deerslayer
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 27 2002
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 Posted - January 05 2004 : 7:27:57 PM
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and please, Scott and everybody else, when I describe the "Fundamentalist raving" strain of atheists or anybody else, I do not in any way mean anyone on this board or even near it. Nobody here fits either description, which is why I come here.
Excuse me, I have to take my pet rock for a walk.
Christina |
See this face? This is the face of a woman on the edge.
Whoopi Goldberg, "Jumping Jack Flash"
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Kaylynn44
Mohicanite
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
July 13 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - January 06 2004 : 12:42:59 PM
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Christina,
Do you still write for the newspaper? If so, I will have to make sure to pick one up. I don't live in Columbia, but the news stands around here carry the Columbia newspapers. I would love to read your articles.
Kay |
~ An Infinite Zephyr~
Some things never end
As long as goodness exists
Winds shall always soothe
www.cloudsbooks.com
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securemann
Deerslayer
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
July 08 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - January 07 2004 : 12:24:27 AM
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| Pelting Christina with pet rocks? That is pet rock abuse in the extreme! The poor rocks might get hurt. |
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![The Mohican Board! [Bumppo's Redux!]](images/wwwboard.gif "The Mohican Board! [Bumppo's Redux!]")
You may be an atheist if....
