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Adele
The Huggy Merchant
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 17 2002
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 Posted - July 12 2003 : 1:24:22 PM
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WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
(Try and make it to the bottom of the list - it's worth your while!)
Plato: For the greater good.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus: For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)reason.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Ronald Reagan: I forget.
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark Tw
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Theresa
Bumppo's Tavern Proprietress
USA
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May 17 2002
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Posted - July 12 2003 : 2:58:40 PM
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Theresa: To knock everybody up, since the rooster didn't seem to get the job done. (Gathering 2002)
(Very good, Adele!  ) |
Theresa |
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Lainey
TGAT
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 18 2002
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Posted - July 13 2003 : 02:45:45 AM
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Very excellent - very funny! |
"Fides et Ratio" |
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Adele
The Huggy Merchant
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 17 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - July 13 2003 : 05:49:01 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Lainey
Very excellent - very funny!
Hehehehe....who says philosophy can't be fun?!!!
HM |
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richfed
Sachem
USA
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May 13 2002
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Posted - July 13 2003 : 07:02:20 AM
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Great posting job there, Adele!! Reminds me of days gone by!
However, regarding the "2-mile hike" ... it's my story and I'm stickin' to it! Who's counting anyway? What's a few short extra miles amongst friends? |
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Many Flags
Colonial Settler
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
August 13 2002
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Posted - July 13 2003 : 07:16:19 AM
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My cousin Malcolm (the big blonde Sjt.), Dr. Uncle Mark, and I have had many discussions about this over some ale and scotch. Let's see what the conclusions were??
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Sjt. Malcolm MacWilliam: To serve the King!! Now, get back in ranks, straighten yer kilt, and shut yer mouth!!
Dr. Uncle Mark: Well, my cute wee hen-in-the-heather....So, that the Mother would be able to paint doilies of the whole scene and present it to the Lady's Craft Guild (blushingly wondering if she was painting a hen or a BIG rooster!) And, the Father would grunt and wonder who had the right-of-way over the road so he could sell the adjoining acreage to the housing developers and the local golfing club.
Many Flags: The chicken's breech clout had become tangled and it crossed the "trail" walking Lenape style. Gazing furtively 'round, this not only threw off the Huron and French which were following it but also loosened the thong a bit which caused the clout to straighten. As the chicken entered the shaded forest on the opposite side of the "trail" a low whistle from Sign Talker alerted the chicken to danger about 25 yards to its left. Slowly raising its .54 caliber Berks Co. rifle under its wing and pulling the pipehawk to place in its beak....(Sjt. Malcolm: "Shutup Flags and have another Guinness and Glen Livvet!!")
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Wilderness Woman
Watcher of the Wood
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
November 27 2002
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Posted - July 13 2003 : 07:59:54 AM
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Wilderness Woman: Because he loved his family genealogy and his history soooooo much... and had sooooooo many way-back-grandfathers who fought in the Revolt of the Guinea Fowl... and survived the horrible winter encampment of the Valley of the Roost....... that he just couldn't wait to get over there to see the 225th re-enactment of the whole thing!!
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securemann
Deerslayer
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
July 08 2002
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Posted - July 13 2003 : 10:35:20 AM
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| SECUREMANN: Because it was escaping from the Secure Coop which housed highly assaultive chickens.The chicken was caught and fried for this. |
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Theresa
Bumppo's Tavern Proprietress
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 17 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - July 13 2003 : 11:42:08 AM
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| Phil: To get to Green Knob Overlook before sunrise. |
Theresa |
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Bill R
Colonial Militia
USA
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July 03 2002
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Posted - July 13 2003 : 12:23:44 PM
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Because, after sitting in his little group talking while watching everybody ELSE get picked up in the parking lot and return to Geneva Lodge, the chicken realized nobody had gone to get THEIR car at the top of the hill and SOMEBODY had to do it!
My poor attempt absolutely PALES next to Adele's wonderfully funny, insightful, well thought out, philosophical, zany, and connected list of reasons for the chicken to do what it had done!
GOOD JOB ADELE! Really funny and well done. Well played, Ma'am.
Good show. Pip pip. Nicely done. and FUNNY. |
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Adele
The Huggy Merchant
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 17 2002
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Posted - July 13 2003 : 5:21:06 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Bill R
Because, after sitting in his little group talking while watching everybody ELSE get picked up in the parking lot and return to Geneva Lodge, the chicken realized nobody had gone to get THEIR car at the top of the hill and SOMEBODY had to do it!
My poor attempt absolutely PALES next to Adele's wonderfully funny, insightful, well thought out, philosophical, zany, and connected list of reasons for the chicken to do what it had done!
GOOD JOB ADELE! Really funny and well done. Well played, Ma'am.
Good show. Pip pip. Nicely done. and FUNNY.
LMAOOOOOOOOO!!!! OK...now I KNOW that I will NEVER live down the lil car episode! It doesn't pale at all Bill...glorious technicolour!! 
HM |
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Theresa
Bumppo's Tavern Proprietress
USA
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May 17 2002
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richfed
Sachem
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 13 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - July 14 2003 : 06:25:36 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Adele
LMAOOOOOOOOO!!!! OK...now I KNOW that I will NEVER live down the lil car episode! It doesn't pale at all Bill...glorious technicolour!!
HM
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Adele
The Huggy Merchant
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 17 2002
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Posted - July 14 2003 : 08:25:30 AM
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Yeah...yeah...how did I know THAT was coming!!
HM
PS Can still hear Rich laughing now! |
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Gadget Girl
Gatherer of Gathering Gadgets
USA
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May 17 2002
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Posted - July 14 2003 : 12:33:16 PM
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Now THeresa...have you thought AT ALL how that sounds to ADELE and any other Brits. Sounds like Claude has an affinity (Nay, fetish) to cozying up to the little winged ones! *I* being an ex-softball chick, know he just wants to PLAY BALL!!!! 
Adele - That was HI-larious!!!
Di |
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richfed
Sachem
USA
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May 13 2002
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Posted - July 14 2003 : 1:00:22 PM
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What do you expect, GG, out of someone who refers to waking up as "knocking" up?!?
Next time Theresa asks, "What time would you like to get knocked up?", my reply shall be, "All the time!!!"
You are warned, T! :) |
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Wilderness Woman
Watcher of the Wood
USA
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November 27 2002
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Posted - July 14 2003 : 1:11:12 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by richfed
What do you expect, GG, out of someone who refers to waking up as "knocking" up?!?
OK! Well, that explains a couple of things... Whew!
I guess I am going to have to brush up on my Alabamese. 'Cause I also thought she was actually talking about flies... the kind that fly around and bug you to death... in her other post, until GG explained it.
Oh boy, Theresa. You're in for it now!
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Gadget Girl
Gatherer of Gathering Gadgets
USA
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May 17 2002
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Posted - July 14 2003 : 1:43:27 PM
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Kind of reminds one of the old Moth Balls joke!!!
GG ---ooooo, sorry - that was a bad one! |
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Theresa
Bumppo's Tavern Proprietress
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 17 2002
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Posted - July 14 2003 : 1:51:36 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by richfed
What do you expect, GG, out of someone who refers to waking up as "knocking" up?!?
Next time Theresa asks, "What time would you like to get knocked up?", my reply shall be, "All the time!!!"
You are warned, T! :)
Actually, I had thought I would simply ask, "Who wants to me knocked up in the morning?"
And, W.W., as far as "Alabamese", there's a whole heap of 'em that might just creep out at any time. You are warned! |
Theresa |
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Seamus
Guardian of Heaven's Gate
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 19 2002
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Posted - July 14 2003 : 3:30:16 PM
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| To prove to the possum that it could really be done............ |
Life's journey is not to
arrive at the grave safely
in a well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways,
totally worn out, shouting
'...holy sh*t ...what a ride!'
~~Mavis Leyrer, Seattle
Seamus
~~Aim small, hit the b*****d right between the eyes!~~ |
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Theresa
Bumppo's Tavern Proprietress
USA
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May 17 2002
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Posted - July 14 2003 : 4:26:13 PM
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| OMIGOD, Seamus. That is exactly what Claude said when I asked him. You guys must be on the same wave length. 'Course, seems in our neck of the woods that ol' possum didn't pay no 'tention. |
Theresa |
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Seamus
Guardian of Heaven's Gate
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 19 2002
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Posted - July 14 2003 : 5:01:08 PM
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Ol' Pogo din't pay no 'tention here neither.......there's possum smears everwhar.
Yup, me 'n Claude's fiddlin' on the same page....fer shure! |
Life's journey is not to
arrive at the grave safely
in a well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways,
totally worn out, shouting
'...holy sh*t ...what a ride!'
~~Mavis Leyrer, Seattle
Seamus
~~Aim small, hit the b*****d right between the eyes!~~ |
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Theresa
Bumppo's Tavern Proprietress
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
May 17 2002
Status: offline
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Posted - July 15 2003 : 07:25:23 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Seamus
Ol' Pogo din't pay no 'tention here neither.......there's possum smears everwhar.
Yup, me 'n Claude's fiddlin' on the same page....fer shure!
Claude says he misses Ol' Pogo. "We've found the enemy and he is us." I never read the strip myself. An' speakin' of possum smears, we got another critter that's found his way here....Mr. Armadillo, which we refer to as possum on the half shell. |
Theresa |
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Seamus
Guardian of Heaven's Gate
USA
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May 19 2002
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Posted - July 15 2003 : 07:39:27 AM
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| 10-4 on the possum on the half shell! I was driving from Amarillo, Texas to Tucumcari, New Mexico on US 66 (1960....on my way to school at UNM) one time in the late afternoon, and the armadillos were out in force. I never saw so much carnage! They were insisting on crossing the highway in droves! What a mess.............you could have them on the half shell, quarter shell or little bitty pieces of shell....your choice. It made the ol' grinner look like an amateur. |
Life's journey is not to
arrive at the grave safely
in a well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways,
totally worn out, shouting
'...holy sh*t ...what a ride!'
~~Mavis Leyrer, Seattle
Seamus
~~Aim small, hit the b*****d right between the eyes!~~ |
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Wilderness Woman
Watcher of the Wood
USA
Bumppo's Patron since [at least]:
November 27 2002
Status: offline
Donating Member |
Posted - July 15 2003 : 08:24:51 AM
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...and then there's the Great Frog Massacre!
Up in the North Country of New York, in the late spring the frogs begin mating... or something... and they come out at night after it rains. They hop onto the roads, going who-knows-where (maybe they don't even know!) and you run the risk of killing yourself trying to miss them, they are so thick.
Road-killed-flattened-frog is on the menu!! Yuk!! |
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Christina
Deerslayer
USA
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May 27 2002
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 Posted - July 15 2003 : 10:49:04 AM
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To get the last glass of Ping!
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See this face? This is the face of a woman on the edge.
Whoopi Goldberg, "Jumping Jack Flash"
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
