| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Dillon1836 |
Posted - December 19 2004 : 8:47:15 PM
I just attended the wedding of my friend's sister last night and this friend is the girl I like, alot. We've been great friends since we met on the first day of school and she's a wonderful girl. I've asked her out before, but for some reason that I don't understand...she finds us, weird.
Tonight, I had a great time dancing with her, her mother, and family and felt very comfortable with them. Her family is great and we had a great time celebrating the marriage of her sister.
I feel as if at times...she tries to avoid me. She even asked "Do you think I'm trying to avoid you", and ofcourse, my facial expressions aren't good at lying.
I've explained to her my feelings for her a few times, but I get the same response. "It's weird, us". She can't even explain it herself why she feels us being together is "weird". Is it because I know her so well? Is it because I have so much affection for her? I've asked her this, but I feel I've never gotten a reliable answer. An answer I could put true to my heart.
She's told me that she hurts the guys she likes, that if we were to go out that someway she'd ignore me and come across as if she hates me. But she doesn't seem to be that kind of girl. Atleast not through my eyes. She's a great, beautiful, girl and I admire her.
I make her laugh. We can practically talk about anything. We have alot in common, but also there are things that are different. But everytime, everytime I am around her I feel better about myself. I don't know how, but my spirit suddenly rises. I guess she's just that kind of person, but I don't think she thinks of herself as that.
Is it a crush? I don't know. I know, though, that I like her beyond belief. Each time I try to get rid of my feelings they seem to come back. Now how am I to destroy, obliterate these strong feelings for her? How? I guess I'm...just a romantic.
You see. My mother committed suicide seven days before my 10th birthday and I lost a person who, in that supposed future, would go on to teach so many lessons in life. But I will not know them. I'm left to the opinion of my father, a man who, too, has been led in a life of heartbreak. And I feel that's how I'll end up. Every girl that I have really liked have some how moved on...or just...not understand how much I feel for them.
Sure, I run cross country, I'm drawing and writing, I'm running a successful website and am making the greatest of friends with what I do. I'm building a life for myself. My there is a hole in my heart that I feel needs to be dug back in.
Some of you who have been through alot more than I have will look at my post and go "What does he know?" He's a teenager. He doesn't know love. But how am I suppose to know this. What is that bright feeling inside of me whenever I am around her?
Each time I feel she avoids me...I feel low, or sad. I mean...what am I doing wrong? She won't tell me. Am I not hansome enough? I don't know. Atleast I feel I am doing the best in my life that I can.
I hope through my sense of humor that she finds me weird in some way. Because I'm the kind of guy who will crack a joke with the mildest things someone says. And each time I see her light up with laughter, I feel good inside.
Next time I chat with her, I'll show this post as I've put my heart and everything I feel and know about her in this. There's the likely chance that she'll still find "us" akward. But I hope that she considers "us" something more than friends. I guess that's something I long for and that's something noone but myself understands.
Is it Love? It may be. It's the hard-to-explain feeling that you get about someone that is extreme from any other feeling that you get. I guess that is how I feel about her.And I hope this post, what I have to say, doesn't come across her as alarming and I don't want her to avoid me because of it. I love being her friend, but I feel...we could be something more.
~Wade
P.S. I posted this here, because I am |
| 7 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| ccorner |
Posted - December 20 2004 : 10:16:37 PM
Wade,
Ahhh, the teenage years, I have two teenagers myself and one preteen, hormone alley I call it. Your going through a rough time in life. I agree with all the advice you have received from everyone. I know what you are going through is hard and not easy to understand.
First I have to say that you are the mature one here and second, your friend has a lot of growing to do yet. One day you will look back and see that this situation, however unfortunant, will help you grow as well.
I had to cover for another nurse one day and I found a ditty she had posted in her office. I think everyone will agree how true it rings.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safetly in a pretty and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and proclaiming: Wow... what a ride!
Hang in there, you too will survive the bumps and bruises of life.
Carol |
| Dillon1836 |
Posted - December 20 2004 : 5:51:00 PM
Thank you Nancy and Joyce for your great posts. Joyce, I know what you mean. Yes, I hurt a bit now, but I realize how many people at highschool I do know. I realize how many girls are there at school that I know...so, I'll go from there. I spoke with my dad today while eating at Whataburger and he said," Just think of the bad things about this girl. Then, you'll get better." While we both found it humorous, he has a point.
Nancy, thank you alot for your very nice post. I guess I am trying to grow up too fast, but what do I do with feelings that I have so strongly for someone? That's an obstacle I'm facing, but will get through it.
She insulted me over our chatbox by saying "You're bugging me. You keep on pushing shit." Well, I was simply trying to help her. But what can you do with a girl who can't open up? Yet, goes out with some moron she cares the least about? Not that she is. But there is nothing I can do. Maybe she'll realize who I am, but in the mean time...I am ignoring her. She's ignoring me online as well, as I'm sure she thinks I'll send her some hated message. I'm definetly not calling her. So, I'm moving on.
Nancy, I never realized you were a highschool teacher. I agree, there is so much drama and I am going through some of it. Most of that drama is love. Some of that drama is rumors and people talking and squeeling about one another. Highschool's a game in itself. You just have to try your best to get through it.
I haven't given up on love. Definetly have not. I guess it's just my hormones running loose and teenagers, well, so many emotions and feelings are trying to be situated.
Again, thanks for the posts everyone. I guess that's life.
~Wade |
| Wilderness Woman |
Posted - December 20 2004 : 5:05:16 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Dillon1836
She'll never know what kind of guy I would've been.
And it is definitely her loss.
You're hurting now, youngun, but your heart will heal. You will look back and realize that she was not worth the agony.
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| Dances with Beagles |
Posted - December 20 2004 : 5:02:51 PM
It sounds like you hit the nail on the head when you said that she is immature about her feelings (and her actions). But, that's how it can be with teenagers. There are some, like you, who are wise, mature, and self-aware beyond your years, and others who....aren't.
But don't get discouraged or cynical about Love. It has a way of surprising you! It's just not here, not now, and not her. That doesn't mean "not ever"!
I'm sorry to hear that she insulted you. But what she said is just her opinion, and not the "truth" about who you are. I hope you know that. And, if she wants to "take everyone down with her", then she's really not the type of person you want to be with in the long run. You deserve better. You deserve someone who will appreciate you, care about you, cherish you in return.
Speaking as a high school teacher, I see students every day go through their dramas (and melodramas!). I really feel for them because it's a difficult time of life, (and I actually do remember it well!) It's so hard to have perspective from the standpoint of teenage years--things just seem to hurt too much. But, please trust this: Life can, and does, get better! Things will NOT stay the same as they are now! (and that's true at any age). As you get older you will see and feel differently than you do at 16. You'll meet more people and have more experiences outside of the bubble of high school. You will find people who are more like-minded and compatible with who you are, and you won't stay with those who try to tear you down.
Thank you also for sharing about your mother. I've seen your family photos, and I admit that I wondered where she was. I can't imagine the pain that your family experienced. But don't think that you are somehow doomed because of it. Take whatever life lessons you learn from it and go forward. I'm sure that it has made you a much more compassionate person who cares for and values others; it has helped make you the young man that you are and who you will become.
I hope that you have some good friends to listen and help you through all of this, to give you perspective, and make you laugh, too. You have friends here in Mohicanland, too, for sure.
Listening to music sometimes helps, too. Some lyrics just say what you feel, or what you need to hear.
Wade, you're such a great guy. Such a unique (not "weird") person.
I also think that you're very brave--to love someone, to risk telling them, to risk hurt--that's courageous.
So, don't give up on Love.
She's out there for you, I am sure of that.
Take care,
NancyM.
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| Dillon1836 |
Posted - December 20 2004 : 3:27:00 PM
Thank you Rose for your heartfelt post.
Well, last night I spoke with her and I could read the signals. She had been trying to avoid me and last night she finally told me what she thought of me after I tried to see what was going on with her.
So, she was playing a game with me afterall. And I feel ashamed and saddened to have been great friends with her, but then to be led into her way of insulting me.
I'm angered, because I let her know how I felt for her. I confessed to her my feelings and thoughts and even brought her with me to my cross country conference. Then, I attended her sister's wedding where I danced with most of the girls in her family and got along greatly with them. Her mother even said "I was a part of the family." Then, the girl pulls this the day after the wedding.
What I don't understand is what kind of girl pull's this? After coming over to my house on occassions, after having great conversations over the phone, after I was there for her.That's what I call a girl who is immature about her feelings. She doesn't know how to handle them, so she takes everyone down with her in the process.
Ofcourse, I'm hurt by all of this. Suddenly, I have to let go of the feelings I had for her and I am not one to suddenly not care for someone. I guess I'll remain her friend, but it seems to be obvious friendship is as far as it will go with us.
But, hey, I look at it this way. She'll never know what kind of guy I would've been.
~Wade |
| blueotter |
Posted - December 19 2004 : 11:21:04 PM
Wade,
I am fairly new to the board, and so I don't know you as well as the others. However, I can already see that you are an exceptional young man -- especially for your age.
I think you have gone about things concerning this girl just fine so far. You've probably heard this many times, but things happen in their own way at their own time. That's hard to accept when you are on the verge of bursting inside, but it also really helps to endure by remembering the truth of it. I would say to continue with your feelings for this girl because they are good feelings. But also try to let go of the outcome of these feelings! That's the Number One Pearl of Wisdom that I pass on to my own son, too, because when we let go of the outcome of our intentions and desires, we allow ALL the possibilities in our lives to flow freely and fully, and thus any number of even more wonderful things can happen!
My heart is broken thinking about your mother, because I have a son of my own (he turned 21 last month). Of course no one can take your mother's place, but I can tell that there are many loving people on this board who really CARE... and sharing this with everyone here is a very intuitive choice on your part.
Keep us posted and keep your heart open -- closing it off is more painful than being vulnerable. Trust me on this one! (another Pearl)
Most warmly,
Rose |
| Dillon1836 |
Posted - December 19 2004 : 8:49:24 PM
I realize I must give her room, but it is hard for me to understand where she comes from at times. I guess I'm convinced I should take it slow, but what if she finds someone? Then my chance of asking her out again is slim. But that's the chance I have to take. So, I must take it slow until she finally realizes what kind of guy I am.
~Wade
P.S. I thought I'd post this thread to get some honest opinions. |
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