Re: Message to Sgt. Toot

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: : Billy D. Goat at you service SIR!!!

: : 	The road has been long, the handouts poor, and the hospitality less than hospitable.  After leaving the infamous Angus close to a month ago my campanion goats of the Gruff of Foot and I traveled up and down the mighty river until we met your so called cousin "Three Tales."  Well I beg to differ.  His name should rather be "Four tails," for no sooner did we arrive when he viciously cut off four of my goats' tails.  Why?  Who knows!  He is your cousin!  In response, my Gruff and I attacked his worthless dwelling with our greatest apetite.  We managed to consume a majority of his home and the surrounding countryside.  After a good nights rest, we backed up and got our hooves moving.  	Our next trek involved heading west into French territory.  Traveling was hard through the mountians; however, our mountain goat tendencies aided us greatly.  We finally arrived at a small outpost/fort placed upon what seemed three rivers converging.  Anyway, I aproached the comander speeking in my clearest French, "We, We, We...huh, huh, huh!"  He promptly jumped up and down with blissful glee shaking his head up and down.  He then replied in broken English, "huh, huh, huh, my pants are made of crispy bacon, huh, huh, huh!"  It all started friendly enough.  But things took a turn for the worse when some of his men began to remove their sashes.  We new we were in for it.  Billy goats do not wear sashes.  In fact our uniform consists of nothing!  All of a sudden we heard a large CRASH and in came your Uncle Angus.  He imediately pulled off his sash.  When the Frenchmen saw just the sheer length and width of his sash, they put their little ones away.  We then promptly left enroute for Carlise.  We thanked Uncle Angus for saving the day and he explained that he had been following us for the past few weeks to say he was sorry for his previous behavior.  We thanked him again and parted ways.  So that is it.  What we saw; what we did; the whole story.  My goats and I plan on leaving Carlise tomorrow morning.  We hear there is better grazing land south of here.  Until then, BLEAT!  And we shall meet again.

: : Gruff of Foot
: : Billy D. Goat

: 
:   Young Mr.B.D.Goat,
:   Watching your own tail might be an adviseable pastime......for the next time i meet up with your lot, the tail may not be what i'd be after. One, such as yourself, should have the respect for an individual's hard-earned name, especially since you are lacking in the years to make one wise, and grateful for the many wonders of the wilderness that you romp. Let this be a friendly warning to you........Penn's Woods is my home and domain....i shall not want to share it with those that do not respect their elders. 
:   One more word of caution.......if you continue to keep company with the French......it will be to your demise......they enjoy a dish they call..... "Fricaseed Goat"....served with truffles and mint sauce........beware.

:   nuff said,
:   ThreeTales


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