His Cups Runneth Over

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Posted by Doc M-Winchell on February 07, 2000 at 14:02:08:

I must put down my whips and scalpel and don my fedora with the
press pass in the hatband to bring you the latest from the
tawdry underbelly of our beloved Mohicanland...yes, it's
time for MOHICANLAND CONFIDENTIAL!! *insinuationing 1950's
style jazz plays in the background*

It has come to my attention that there is a an outbreak of
pre-vesion in Mohicanland. First our beloved mentor,
Richard, displays a photo of himself wearing pearls, a
dress, and I'm sure sling-back open-toe wedgies as well.
Halloween my Aunt Fanny! I spoke to the Great and Terrible
Elaine, and through choking sobs she confided to yours
truly that her partner in life has changed his name
to Phyllis, and prances around the house saying things
like "Don't go there, girl! Unnhuh!!"

And the infection is spreading!! If it's not bad enough
the forest is infested with a hideous colony of nasty
wee gnomes -- now one of them is wearing his consort's
brassiere and thong bikinis and squeaking, "DO ya think
I'm sexy, DO ya think I'm sexy!!!" In a word, no.
The horror! The horror!

It's not too late, relatively-normal denizens of
Mohicanland! RISE UP!! RISE UP!! We must stamp
this out before it's too late! My Hurons have
massacred the Avon Lady and are sitting around
fussing about retinol-A face creams and painting
their toenails! Mr. Poe is walking around in
a pink chenille bathrobe and hair curlers and
whispering breathily "I'm ready for my close-up,
Mr. Mann!" For King!! For Country!! That's why
we must join this fight!!! Aux Armes, Citoyens!!

Doctor Mary-Winchell

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