Posted by Victoria on January 28, 1999 at 07:35:00:
Alarm and consternation has greeted the news that the notorious
and nefarious Simon Girty has been spotted in the vicinity of
Mohicanland. Certain local residents have also wondered if the
paucity of possum, a favorite local dish, is attributable to the presence
of he and his misbehaved cohorts. Several of the more timid residents
have fled to the safety of German Flats where they say they rest easy
at night and don’t have to worry about working in the garden.
Bumppo’s
Tavern has put in an extra supply of rum for those who feel the need
to boost their courage. Regulars have wondered about the large kettle
bilin’ out behind Miss Marcia’s. Some say it smells like her Possum
and Turnip Surprise, while others swear it was a new batch of Granny’s
Lye Soap. (Takes off the dirt with the skin). With Dweebie missing,
and Sheriff Twigg off driving a supply wagon for the militia, some wonder
what the activity is all about. She has been heard singing "Under the
Greenwood Tree" and "Oogy, Oogy Boogy" at the top of her lungs.