The Mess at Bumppo's Tavern

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: Dear Courier Editors,

: Hauled into Bumppo's Tavern last night with my motley crew of ex-captives, and am having trouble keeping control of the situation.  Two of them want to go back to the Iroquois; three want to be taken immediately to their families in New Netherlands; five want employment as barmaids at the Tavern and are repeatedly engaging in screaming, hairpulling squalls with each other; one has been making unacceptable approaches to Dweebie Day-Lewis; the other one (appears to be of Irish extraction) ate the whole supply of Grandma's Lye Soap.  Where happened to all these hot-to-trot traders who were itching to take these scraggley creaturs off my hands? Could use some help here, folks!

: In the meantime, the Bee Holder's little French Amie Tray Bee Ann returned from Canada with startling news from her friend Butter Fly about the whereabouts of Hawkeye and Chingachgook. 

: Get me outta here!!!!

: She, etc.  


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