Posted by Bridget O'Shea on August 17, 2001 at 09:02:27:
Seein' as how I can't seem to raise Doc M to let me know it's okay to throw open the doors this evenin', and seein' as how you've all been kind enough to offer me gainful employment which I was sorely needin', I'd like to introduce meself as Bridget O'Shea, yer new tavern wench. The doors of Bumppo's will be thrown open tonight fer a general spate o'what you seem to call hooohaaaa. Doc M has made sure we have plenty o'squeezins, whiskey, cider an'imported ale fer all of ye. And I've brought back a cask of a new concoction brewed up by an aunt of mine in Harlem Heights. She calls it "Long Islande Ice-ed Tea" and let me promise ye it packs a punch. Make sure to try it.
Before we get started, me friends, just two general ground rules:
No slaggin' on anyone's nationality, looks, or opinions. I'm Irish to the core and a Papist to boot, and if ye don't like it, ye can either do yer drinkin' elsewhere or keep yer mouth shut. Same goes for everybody else's nationality, opinions, etc. We're all the same over a dram o'squeezins.
No grabbin' the wench in a general lewde manner unlessin' she grabs ye first.
As ye probably know, I know perfectly well how to take care of meself, bein'as I've had a hard life, and I'm not shy about defendin' meself. I learned a few new tricks while visitin' me friends in the New York colony. Some visitin' fellers from Massachusetts taught me the "Nantucket Nerve Pinch." A mean weapon if ever I've seen one.
And by the way, if'n ye hear any rumors come down the highway about the incident up there between me and the foul-mouthed gentleman in the tavern on Mulberry Street, it's all a lie. I didn't maim him that bad. He walked crooked before I ever got a hold of him. Now he just talks a little funny as well.
Lookin' forward to meetin' you all--
I remain to ye
Bridget O'Shea