More Notes From A Mad Gathering

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: Friday, June 15, 2001

: The Madness Continues.....Into the Woods!

: I found myself the next day in the company of the Mohicanite rabble quite by surprise.  Having lost their trail the previous evening when I tried to follow them to the lake "just down the road", and found myself in Mississippi or somewhere, I abandoned the game.  

: Next day, while at a local post office to drop my renewal form for "The Daily Delusion" in the mail, I was coming out the revolving doors when I heard a familiar war whoop that nearly sent me diving under the nearest SUV-it was the Gatherers!  They had loosed themselves on the countryside once more!  They started off in the direction of the wilderness, and, against my better judgement, I followed, again.

: The caravan slogged through streams and along woodland trails, through dense thickets and to the top of the next ridge.  All the while, they were in search of something.  I moved closer and heard the names of familiar heroes being bandied about.  This time, there were two.  The aforementioned Hawkeye, and his relative, whom he called Oooh-Cuz.  Must be a local family thing.  Anyway, there was a tale told of a daring Elk Hunt.  It went something like this:

: Our two heroes had gone out for a day's hunting, and came upon an Elk.  Having no real knowledge of the ways of the huntsman, Hawkeye and his Cuz began chasing the animal through the forest with wild abandon.  This, of course, sent the animal speeding away.  Our heroes, however, firmly believing they were being vewy, vewy quiet, continued the chase, and, having unknowingly lost the elk's trail, were not seen for days and days.  Needless to say, they came back empty handed, as they had so many times before.  Realizing that reputations could be lost, friends of our heroes concocted a scheme to preserve and even inflate their frontier reputations.  They called upon the local Elk farmer, Red Cap.  They arranged for him to chase one of his elk into the path of Hawkeye and Cuz during one of their woodland outings, thus creating the opportunity for an easy kill.  Alas, this plan failed.  It seemed that both men were not the cream of the marksman corps.  Hawkeye's aim was no better than his judgement, and he shot Red Cap instead of the elk.  Cuz thought it was good that he had at least hit something, and Red Cap's fate became one of those obscure but unsolved frontier mysteries.  Finally, in a second attempt, a dead elk was propped up against a rock in view of our heroes.  When Hawkeye's rifle misfired, the elk was flung from the rock in frustration by his secret helpers.  Hawkeye was convinced he had achieved a clean hit, and thus a legend was born.

: After this, the group broke up and I lost the trail.  As I wandered back to civilization along the old Huron Highway, I heard distant voices raised in song.  I decided to go in that direction to see if I could join in the fun.  Amazingly, I had stumbled upon the mad mob of Mohicanites again.  They were sitting on the porch of an old farmhouse, singing local ditties in loud, drunken voices.  Some of these songs, such as "The Sting In My Ping" and "I'm Naked and Ready to Kill!" were unfamiliar to me.  Ballads such as "My Shut Up Horn Will Blow" and "Who Sat On My Sachem?", while also unfamiliar, brought a tear to my eye.  A group of the women gave a scorching rendition of the old "In Spite of His Loincloth".  The evening ended with "Uncle Quasi Won't You Please Go Home".  They soon disappeared into the night. All was quiet.  Apparently the local wildlife had all been scared away.   

: I wondered, would I ever see them again? 

: E. Gumrot, Ph.D  


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