Posted by Nathan on June 30, 2001 at 16:24:47:
In Reply to: Thought for the Day posted by The Huggy Merchant on June 30, 2001 at 09:30:06:
: We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
:
: ~ Jeff Arder ~
And here's something else...
1. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of
a skating rink. 2. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way
to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front. 3. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries, and a DIET coke. 4. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain
the pens to the counters. 5. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 6. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with
Braille lettering.
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
1. On Sears hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping". [Gee, that's the
only time I have to work on my hair]
2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside." [Evidently, the shoplifter special]
3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." [And
that would be how...?]
4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
[But it's *just* a suggestion]
5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not
turn upside down". [Oops, too late!]
6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating". [As sure as night follows the day...]
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
[But wouldn't this save even more time?]
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". [We could do a lot to reduce
the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds
with head-colds off those forklifts.]
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness" [One would
hope]
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use
only". [As opposed to what?]
11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use".
[I gotta admit, I'm curious].
12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts". [NEWS FLASH]
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet,
eat nuts." [Step 3: Fly Delta]
14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not
enable you to fly." [I don't blame the company. I do blame parents for this
one!]
Nathan