Posted by Gadget Girl on April 23, 2001 at 11:56:16:
Good Afternoon All!
Well...after much crucial and determinative consideration, a *gadget*, befitting all of the fine personages set to descend on the wonderfully scenic outposts of MohicanLand, has been chosen!
This particular gadget, called "The Absorber" (aka: "Glammy chamois" or "Glam Cham" for short) was chosen for the many gathering situations where "suck-up-ability" is a virtue. This contrivance, which when dampened, works as any chamois cloth in that it absorbs many times its weight in liquid (SWEAT - er...excessive glistening for us ladies) and can be used in concert with last year's gadget - The Misty Mate, to provide hours and hours of hiking comfort in the hot NC June sun! But versatility is the word of the day when seeking gathering apparti and several of these alternate uses are listed below:
1) To wipe horse slobber off body parts collecting the slimy throw-offances of the poor animals enlisted to cart our hineys up hill and down.
2) To gracifully dab at the side of one's head when whipping a fish a little too enthusiastically from the lake, thus being slimed!
3) To provide a cooling cloth (cooled from evaporation of the excessive "blotting" taking place after excessive "misting") to one's neck or forehead when reaching the top of the world.
4) To dab away the glistening drops of water from our feet after a cooling dip in the stream above Hickory Nut Falls so that our feet don't become blister monsters from putting hiking boots back on wet feet. There will not be any awards given for the most pus-producing blister!!!
5) A Glammy Chammy would be a handy thing indeed when caught in the midst of a sudden rain shower encountered while hiking on slippery rock surfaces many feet in the air! EEEEEKKKKK!
6) When rolled up and allowed to dry, the Glam Cham forms an unsuspecting device (like a stick) that is excellent for Kilt and Clout lifting.
7) When dried into a stick-like contraption can also be used to whack (Doc Mary style) obnoxious (or prettier than you) gatherers to make us pre, peri, and postmenopausal women feel better when chocolate is nowhere to be found.
8) And lastly.... the hardened Glam Cham makes a very useful *obstacle* for speeding Lacrosse players, thus providing the spectators with the entertainment of "flying-up breechcloths" ala Daniel in the Huron Village. If players are not cooperative and refuse to fall in a manner that allows for maximum viewing, then simply moisten the cloth and then in an unsuspicious moment approach the scoundrel from behind and deliver a dish-towel-like smack on the backside. Perhaps he'll jump high enough to provide an encore!
So you see, this most versatile and beneficial appliance is a must have for the Fourth Annual Gathering - (available in an assortment of appealing colors at a department store near you)!
*A special note - it is discouraged that any GGGG's use this device in place of other devices more suitable for incontinence assistance.
* A VERY special note - if you are able to procure a Glamour Chamois before June, please be a kind and assistive gatherer and keep an eye out for any unattractive drooling by your fellow gatherers that may occur in the prescence of our special guest, Mr. Studi! Ros and Stephanie will have to be watched at all times - perhaps a Droll Dabbin' Division should be assigned to these two!