Re: A Dog's Life - Green Parrot Soup?

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: : : : : : : : mutter mutter mutter

: : : : : : : : Here I been waiting near a week for She to get back.  She promises me a good bone and some water-and-ale from Bumppo's Tavern, burrows off through the snow, and never comes back.  The fire's out, the bearskin has fleas, and the dried venison jerky that's left is NOT to my taste!

: : : : : : : : mutter mutter snuffle

: : : : : : : : Mebbe I ought to get myself up to Miss Marcia's.  She's always good for some food and sympathy.  Almost too weak to crawl through the woods and up  on her veranda.  But then, that's always good for a little extra beef stew and a soft bed.  Hope she doesn't have that consarned bird Basil visiting her like she did last Summer.  Don't think I can cope with that loud-mouth bird, hungry or not.  Ah, the days when we knew the time honored recipe for Green Parrot Soup.

: : : : : : : : snuffle snuffle scratchscratchscratch!  damn bearskin!

: : : : : : : : Okay, here I come, Miss Marcia, ready or not.

: : : : : : : : Hector

: : : : : : : >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

: : : : : : : Hey Hector,

: : : : : : : You sweet thing.  If Miss Marcia's not home, you can always come to my cabin.  I've got some venison stew simmering over the fire and I think I have a cup or two of Bummpo's ale in the larder.  (That's if Miss Huggy didn't finish off the last of it.)  I've even got a nice soft sheepskin rug you can snuggle up to in front of the fire.  So you mind now, if Miss Marcia's not home, just come on over for a little TLC (I'll even scratch behind those big soft ears of yours.) Oh and Hector, I don't have any noisy Parrots to bother you.  Mind you, I do have Merlin.  You remember him don't you..he's that Bobcat kitten I adopted sometime back.  He's not small anymore and pretty much comes and goes as he pleases, but I don't think he'll bother you none.  Nice kitty.

: : : : : : : Miss JayBee

: : : : : : ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

: : : : : : BARK BARK BARK BARK

: : : : : : (Wow!  This is the life!  Right down the hill goes the sled, straight for Miss JayBee's cabin!  Slip! Whoosh!  Over the river and through the woods to another meal we go!  Whoops, headin' right for her parlor winder. . . . .)

: : : : : : CRASH  SPLINTER BANG SMASH!!!!!!***@@@!
: : : : : :   

: : : : : >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

: : : : : Inside the cabin, all is silent except for a soft groaning....

: : : : : On the cabin floor a body lays covered in wood splinters and glass.  Slowly, the eyes open, trying to focus.

: : : : : Oh Lordy Me!! What happened and why am I laying on the floor!  I have to get up, I'll just hold on to this here chair and pull...GROAN!! Lordy, I don't know what hurts more, my head or the rest of me!  OH MY!! WHAT HAPPENED???

: : : : : Wait, what's that sound?  WHO'S THERE??  Hector, is that you boy?  Why are you huddled up in the corner?  GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.. Hector, are you hurt Sweetie?  Why are you growling at me?   GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR  Merlin!  What are you doing?   OH NO!!  BAD KITTY. MERLIN!!!! STOP THAT!!  MERLIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

: : : : ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

: : : : Uh oh, I think I got myself a BIG problem here.  It's obvious Miss JayBee didn't confer with Merlin when she issued that oh-so-kind invitation.  Damn!  And I was thinkin' I found myself a real soft touch for the evening before headin' on to the Town Crier's place.  HEY! Watch it, Merlin!  I only got two ears, and ye just minced one of 'em!  WHOAAAAAAA - -  that's my tail ye got ahold of now!  WADDAYA MEAN "OH REALLY?"  Ye know a tail when ye see one, ye darn cat!  Lemme explain . . . YOUCH!  Better head for the next room.  Mebbe I can get a door atwixt that yowlin' cat and myself.

: : : : (scrambles down the hall and through the first door he sees ajar)

: : : : WOW! MERCY ME!  WILLYA LOOKIT THIS!  ROWF ROWF ROWF ROWF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

: : : : Hector

: : : >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

: : : Where did that dang critter git to?  One minute I've got him by his scrawny tail and the next he's gone and I'm left with a mouthful of nasty critter hair!  Ok, he's got to be here somewhere.  Don't you worry now Miss JayBee, I'll git rid of that mangy bag of bones.  Hmmmmm? Seems I hear those ole bones creaking down the hall here.  *** CRASH ***  THE KITCHEN!!  He's in the kitchen.  I'll have you now, you fleabag interloper!! 

: : : Merlin bounds through the open door, but comes to an abrupt stop once inside the room.

: : : YEOW!!!! What in tarnation! HA HA HA HA!! OH MY GOODNESS!!  GEE HECTOR, HOW'D YOU MANAGE TO GET THAT STEW POT ATTACHED TO YOUR HEAD??  (I always knew dogs were dumber than dirt, but this one ain't even that bright!) Think I'll just settle down here and see what this sorry excuse for a canine is gonna do.  

: : : Merlin

: : BANG! SLAM!  thump.  thump.  (long silence)

: : (and a muffled dog voice whispers) hey, merlin . . . is that you, merlin?  c'mon and have some pity on a fellow four-legged creatur'.  

: : (silence)

: : psst!  merlin . . . gimme an assist here, and i'll tell ye where we can get some fine Green Parrot Soup.  honest.  I know a Gnome who relishes it.  he doesn't care much for dogs, but he has a real thing for cats.  psst!  merlin . . . are you listening?

: : (silence)

: : Green Parrot Soup, merlin.

: : Hector

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: Hmmmmmmm?  Green Parrot Soup?  Now that sounds like a right tasty feast!  Ok Hector, hold still, I'll just grab hold of this here handle.  You'd better just hope I don't pull out any teeth or the next thing I sink them into will be your sorry fleabitten hide!  URRRRRRRRMMMMMMMPPPPPPP!!!! TARNATION!! Hector, did your head grow bigger or somuptin?  **Jaws locked firmly on the pot handle and paws planted against Hector's boney body, Merlin gives it one more try.**  !!!UUUURRRRRMMMMMMMPPPP!!! YEEEK......THUMP!  There!  PANT, PANT, PANT...It's off you mangy mutt, now how do we find that Gnome and the Green Parrot Soup?  Hector?  Hector?  

: (silence..traces of dog hair floating in the air)

: Merlin


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