Yes, Virginia, There Is Gnome Butter

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: Doctor Mary recently had the following letter delivered to the
: door of the Mohicanland Clinic via her faithful Huron Courier
: Service:

: Dear Doctor Mary,

: I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no
: such thing as Gnome Butter. Papa says, "Ask Doctor Mary. She
: sees all, knows all." Please tell me the truth. Is there Gnome
: Butter?

: Virginia

: 
: Virginia, your little friends are wrong.( They wouldn't happen
: to be 2 feet tall with pointy red hats would they? Yeah, I
: thought so.) Yes, Virginia, there is Gnome Butter. Alas! How
: dreary the world would be if there were not! How many itches
: would not be soothed, how many butts would blister and burn,
: how many delicate complexions would sag and wrinkle if that
: were true! No Gnome Butter! Why, you might as well say there's
: *gasp!* no Doctor Mary! Or no evil, nasty, pestilential little
: Gnomes, for that matter! No Gnome Butter! Oy! You know the
: mark-up kindly old Doc M gets on that stuff, child??? A
: thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years
: from now, when Doc M is just reaching the prime of life,
: Gnome Butter will continue to exist and make glad Doctor
: Mary's accountant, Murray of Mohicanland.

: Now quit bugging me or I'll turn you into a turnip! And
: your little dog, too!!

: Kissy! Kissy!

: Doc M


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