Re: bikini lines and gnomes and etc...

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: : : : : : : I happened to be channel-surfing this evening, trying to get myself to stop watching true crime shows on Discovery even though I'm by myself in a big house...and guess what? LOTM was on TNT again. So I watched. VERY carefully. And yep, ladies, the bikini line needed a waxin'. Perhaps someone should send Hawkeye a vat of my aunt Aggie's special Scottish Beeswax-N-Thistle-Down Bikini Line Insty-Peel. Just what's needed when you're wearin' a breechcloth AND your skin needs to be silky smooth...

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: : : : : : Ooh, Ooh!  I volunteer! [Waves hands in air furiously]  Hawkeye, all horizontal and silky smooth..........better than a rub down with the Racing Post, as the (less well bred) Yengeese say!

: : : : : : YS (needing a lie down in a darkened room....)

: : : : : Oh for crying out loud!  Here we go with the bikini lines and the loincloth thing.  Geez.  Hey!  Lederhosen can be sexy too ya know.  Hot as hades in July, but sexy.  And, in the summer excess weight just sorta wastes away.  Always walking around in puddles of sweat is sorta a bother though......

: : : : : And another thing.  That friggin French Trader hasn't been back FIVE MINUTES and all you dames are a swoonin' and croonin' and putting on all your frilly low cut things, and your scarlet what-have-you's and nonsense like that.  No more noogies for the gnome, nah, you broads just wanna peek under that dang stupid
: : : : : dishtowel hanging off his belt.  Criminee.   I suppose if I tied a celophane ciggy wrapper to my belt and walked around speaking in that stupid, limp-wristed foreign Frenchie accent I would be a hit too, eh?  What is your PROBLEM girls?  Sweat-soaked lederhosen and gutteral hunnish accent not sexy enough for you'uns?  Don't I keep your gardens all nice?  Don't I repair your shoes at night ?(and SOME of you have some HUGE HOOFS I might add) Don't I fix all your broken and worn out wooden things - including those funny looking knobby things you keep in your dresser drawers and keep wearing out?

: : : : : Com'on.  Gimme a break.  

: : : : : GnomeDome

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: : : : Oh thank you SEW much gnomie for reminding to send out a little hollar to 'ole Frenchie

: : : : *In very STRONG french accent*...Oh Clabert, Clabert! Yoo Hoo! Please come running zees way! OH NO..., I am so sorry! Eet seems you have treeped over my leetle foot AGAIN! I apol-o-gise for always treeping you! I can not imagine what (yeah right!) keeps getting into me to be SO clumsy!!!

: : : : Thanks again gnomie! (walking away mumbling to self...Now lets see...what to use for next Gathering's loincloth presentation? Should we go for the HOT PINK clear vinyl or the reversible hot chili peppers on one side, cucumbers on the other...Oh decision, decisions!!!)

: : : : Di

: : : Would you and Doc Mary be sisters?  You both seem to have a sort of, how shall I put it, degenerate way about you.

: : : Now me, I never do such things.  Well, okay there WAS that time I was hopping up and down frantically on the trampoline, but sheesh, that doesnt count, does it?

: : : GnomeDome

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: : Why dear Gnome, I would never think to be slightin' the more dimunitive of the male species! I used to party quite a bit with me leprechaun neighbors. And what fine fellas they are, except for that nasty tendency to tend to peep up one's summer plaid a wee bit too much! And I always thought knickers and lederhosen were adorable! Now, should I be askin' what these "knobby things" are ye keep talkin' about, or is it somethin' we just didn't have back in Carolina??? Maybe it's better left alone. As for my wench blouses, I didn't think they were cut too low, but maybe...well, that Dweebie fella was at Bumppo's last night and when I leaned over to shoot billiards, he did pass out into his wine spritzer. And would anyone know where that nice Nathaniel is? Seems Doc Mary keeps him workin' way too much. I'd love to just have a dram of cider with the strappin' angel and get these kinks worked out of my back. The gardenin', ye know...

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: Woopsie! sorry for the abbreviated message line. Seems the lass is gettin' a wee bit worked up...I think I may need to go in the back room and lie down with a cup of Glenlivet on ice...oh yes (fanning furiously, flush creeping up rapidly from ruffled neck of wench blouse...)


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