Re: terribly uplifting bikini line discussion...update

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: : : : : I happened to be channel-surfing this evening, trying to get myself to stop watching true crime shows on Discovery even though I'm by myself in a big house...and guess what? LOTM was on TNT again. So I watched. VERY carefully. And yep, ladies, the bikini line needed a waxin'. Perhaps someone should send Hawkeye a vat of my aunt Aggie's special Scottish Beeswax-N-Thistle-Down Bikini Line Insty-Peel. Just what's needed when you're wearin' a breechcloth AND your skin needs to be silky smooth...

: : : : ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

: : : : Ooh, Ooh!  I volunteer! [Waves hands in air furiously]  Hawkeye, all horizontal and silky smooth..........better than a rub down with the Racing Post, as the (less well bred) Yengeese say!

: : : : YS (needing a lie down in a darkened room....)

: : : Oh for crying out loud!  Here we go with the bikini lines and the loincloth thing.  Geez.  Hey!  Lederhosen can be sexy too ya know.  Hot as hades in July, but sexy.  And, in the summer excess weight just sorta wastes away.  Always walking around in puddles of sweat is sorta a bother though......

: : : And another thing.  That friggin French Trader hasn't been back FIVE MINUTES and all you dames are a swoonin' and croonin' and putting on all your frilly low cut things, and your scarlet what-have-you's and nonsense like that.  No more noogies for the gnome, nah, you broads just wanna peek under that dang stupid
: : : dishtowel hanging off his belt.  Criminee.   I suppose if I tied a celophane ciggy wrapper to my belt and walked around speaking in that stupid, limp-wristed foreign Frenchie accent I would be a hit too, eh?  What is your PROBLEM girls?  Sweat-soaked lederhosen and gutteral hunnish accent not sexy enough for you'uns?  Don't I keep your gardens all nice?  Don't I repair your shoes at night ?(and SOME of you have some HUGE HOOFS I might add) Don't I fix all your broken and worn out wooden things - including those funny looking knobby things you keep in your dresser drawers and keep wearing out?

: : : Com'on.  Gimme a break.  

: : : GnomeDome

: : ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

: : Aawwwwww!  Now, now little gnome-person, don't be like that.  If you cheer up, I will invite you to Bumppos as well.....bring your trampoline......and your lederhosen (well, you never know), actually while we are on the subject, you had better bring your rake and trowel....my garden needs a bit of a seeing-tp.

: : Would bend down to give you a little kissy, but.......well, this scarlet dress of mine.......a little low-cut, if you know what I mean!

: : YS

: No worries ma'am!  Bend down!  Bend down!!!  Arggggg I'm SMOTHERING!!!!!!!

: whatta way to go though, ya know? ;


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