| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| richfed |
Posted - September 04 2010 : 12:54:09 PM
Not meant for sympathy; not to be confused with whining; we all have our own personal trials and tribulations; this is just an update on mine ...
Back in March of 2004, I made the greatest mistake of my life ... walking out on my family. I have spent much of the past 6 and a half years trying to undo that - to no avail. Those of you present at the 2004 Mohican Gathering may remember my emotional state - I'm quite sure Theresa does; I think I spoke with her about it more than anyone. Well, overall, it hasn't improved all that much, even after all this time. I've had my moments, but, all-in-all, I am no longer the same person ...
I have tried ... begging, crying, Priests, therapists, medication ... again, all to no avail. Tried to shed the burden - the guilt - but I just don't seem capable of it. Sometimes, I feel like I've gotten so used to feeling this way that I am actually more comfortable with it. It's my new normal. 
Anyway, it's been a long haul, and probably because of the mental/emotional upheaval and stress - not to mention getting older - my health has deteriorated. I've been depressed, my blood pressure has risen, I've always had high cholesterol, I developed acid reflux [since corrected by surgery], I have suffered from anxiety [one time a few years ago, I awoke with a panic attack in the middle of the night - at 2AM, I was aimlessly driving around the streets of Marion] and insomnia ... quite a mess.
Over the past few months, I began to develop noticeable changes in my mental state ... particularly, in the beginning, in late afternoons and evenings, though it become more general. I would feel mild confusion, some apparent memory loss -- stuff we all experience; you know, how many times do you forget where you put something, can't get the right word out, or say, "I'm losing my mind!"? We all do ... I know I sure have many times ... but, this was different. It was [is] more frequent and pronounced. I mean, I REALLY thought I might be losing my mind. Dementia came to mind. It was a physical feeling, too. At times, I'd feel a general pressure in my head and a cool, almost menthol-type tingling in my skull. I talked to my doctor and she immediately had me come in.
After an hour and a half consultation and exam - including neurological and memory tests [which I aced] - she determined that my symptoms were most likely caused by sleep deprivation exacerbated by chronic stress. That was 2 or 3 weeks ago. I had a previously scheduled yearly physical set-up with her for next Friday, so she prescribed 4 weeks of Ambien CR - enough to take me to my next appointment - to see if sleep would lesson the problem. No effect the first few days - though I WAS sleeping - but then it began to make me feel better. Last week was probably the best I've felt in a very long time - until yesterday. Increased stress over various issues caused me to fall back into that foggy, confused state. Kind of like the difference between driving on an open road on a beautiful, clear day, and driving on city streets in a downpour. So, I don't know ...
Meanwhile, my doctor set me up with a high contrast brain MRI. I was pretty certain that there was going to be something there that they'd see ... a tumor, signs of a stroke, white mass, something ... to my relief, it was completely normal - though the procedure itself is akin to mild torture!  I had an MRI on my heart about 10 months ago [murmer issue], but that wasn't nearly as intimidating.
So, that is where I stand right now ... I am off all week and have a few doctor appointments scheduled, including one with a shrink. The latter is mainly to eliminate or confirm that my physical feelings are the result of stress. My regular doctor is going to follow up with a neurologist and possibly a brain function test, whatever that is.
Sachem is a mess ...
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| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Gadget Girl |
Posted - October 17 2011 : 5:26:21 PM
Rich, I'm glad to hear you are still nuts....like the rest of us!! 
VERY glad to see you feel things are better. Better is also good to hear!
I sure do wish I could drive around Marion everyday about this time of eyar and see all the lovely fall colors. Hurricane Irene de-leafed most of the trees she take down, so we aren't in for much a display I fear!
Take Care, Buddy! GG |
| James N. |
Posted - October 15 2011 : 11:45:45 AM
quote:
Originally posted by richfed
Thought I'd update this topic:
Though I am still nuts,  , things are getting better. I feel better - old, maybe, but better -- the foreclosure issues with the house I live in have been resolved, finally, after nearly 2 years and several hearings [most of which were canceled], and Lainey and I are talking a little more civilly these days - working on issues.
Now, if only the Dallas Cowboys would get to a darn super bowl again!
Rich, I'd never visited this part of the Forum before, so had missed the story of your "travials". Let me assure you we all have our personal "backstories" and problems not unlike yours; I've survived divorce ( once ), ridiculous and unfulfilling relationships, layoffs and firings ( several! ), and as I get older - I turn 65 in a month - increasing health issues. ( Minor so far, thank God, limited mostly to cataract surgery, high blood pressure, an enlarged prostate, and 2 fairly small skin cancer removals. ) Retirement, originally forced by circumstances, has become pretty pleasant as long as I remain careful with my resources, always an issue for me. I seriously hope your situation continues to improve, and want to formally thank you for allowing me this forum to reminesce about the period of my life I find most fulfilling in retrospect and the opportunity to share them with other members, along with photos of my more recent travels.
The main thing, however, I DON'T share with you is a love for the Godawful COWBOYS! Though I lived in Irving growing up and Dallas most of my adult life, I never ONCE attended one of their - or anybody else's for that matter - games! ( The ONLY time I set foot inside Irving's now defunct and demolished Cowboy Stadium was for 2 Gun Shows. ) All my life I've thought "pro sports" of ANY kind were just so much "Bread and Circuses" to keep the unruly masses distracted and inert! |
| Monadnock Guide |
Posted - October 08 2011 : 4:55:18 PM
The Cow Pokes aren't going anywhere as long as Romo is the qb. ... ;) |
| richfed |
Posted - October 08 2011 : 2:08:32 PM
Thought I'd update this topic:
Though I am still nuts, , things are getting better. I feel better - old, maybe, but better -- the foreclosure issues with the house I live in have been resolved, finally, after nearly 2 years and several hearings [most of which were canceled], and Lainey and I are talking a little more civilly these days - working on issues.
Now, if only the Dallas Cowboys would get to a darn super bowl again! |
| richfed |
Posted - January 26 2011 : 8:23:47 PM
Thanks GG and RedFraggle and all for your compassion ... Where am I going to live is my biggest immediate concern. Pretty nerve-wracking and looking grim.
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| RedFraggle |
Posted - January 25 2011 : 3:23:49 PM
Rich---I know I'm hardly ever on the boards anymore, but I just read your posts in this thread and wanted to say, for what it's worth, that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Very sorry you've hit such difficult times. To borrow from a verse in 3 John, "I pray that, in all matters, you will have things go well for you and you will be well." |
| Gadget Girl |
Posted - January 23 2011 : 7:42:33 PM
I wish you enough!!
Love ya Rich! |
| richfed |
Posted - January 16 2011 : 3:48:57 PM
I guess Paxil is a life saver. Feel so much better ... the causes of axiety, stress, and depression are still there, but the feelings aren't so intense. My sleep test was to be tonight, but the sleep clinic decided no more Sundays and canceled me. Rats ... another time. |
| richfed |
Posted - December 11 2010 : 09:47:54 AM
Hijacking threads is a long standing tradition on the Mohican Board, Bill!!! Very good to see you poking around again!!!!!! Thanks for your concern ... |
| Bill R |
Posted - December 09 2010 : 12:12:45 AM
P.S. Sorry to hijack your thread here Rich! This was about YOU, and I do pray things are getting better for you, and your Christmas will be a good one. How can it not be so, surrounded by such good and stalwart friends as you have here, eh? What a blessing it is to drop in after years, and see the same good friends of yours still here, and still supporting you. It's a blessing to you Rich. |
| Bill R |
Posted - December 09 2010 : 12:09:36 AM
Yeah Sarge, I've been wandering for quite some time, huh? How've I been? That's a story in and of itself. Health wise, have had my ups and downs, but always God had his hand in it.
As for all other aspects, life has gotten better every year. Maybe because I've finally come to realize what is most important in life, and all the rest is dross. Betty and I celebrated our tenth anniversary in November. This past June, we went to Israel with 6 other folks from our church. Betty had never been out of the country before. Quite an advencha! |
| SgtMunro |
Posted - December 07 2010 : 5:15:28 PM
Wow Bill, glad to see you back from your 'walk-about' 
How have you been?
YMH&OS,
The Sarge |
| Bill R |
Posted - December 06 2010 : 3:56:06 PM
Thanks GG! You, and many other of the LOTM women I have known, are among the sweetest, most genuinely good hearted women I've had the fortune to know. I'd completely forgotten about that quilt thang Betty had made for you! She's still quilting, still keeping me in line, still making sure I am a "compliant patient" and all. We have become heavily involved in our church, and our church family replicates the sweetness and goodness you guys down there in the Carolinas and Georgia first introduced me to. Hope you have a very merry Chistmas down that way. God bless you GG. |
| Gadget Girl |
Posted - December 06 2010 : 2:00:32 PM
HEY BILL!
I was just thinking about you and Betty the other day. I washed up the sweet little tab quilt Betty sent to me the year we picked you up for the gathering and of course you both came to mind. Glad to "see" you here and see you still visit old familiar paths
Big Hugs to you both and Merry Christmas! |
| Bill R |
Posted - December 05 2010 : 5:29:04 PM
Thanks WW. That's kind of you to say. I still have some health issues, but God has been VERY good to Betty and I over these last few years. Hope you've been blessed richly also!
I have full confidence that you So'thron gals will keep an eye on Rich and be there for him.
Of all the blessings in life that might come our way, friends are the most meaningful. You guys have been a great blessing to Rich, and I know that will continue.
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| Wilderness Woman |
Posted - December 05 2010 : 10:03:19 AM
Holy Cow!!!!  What a pleasant surprise! Our Head Gnome has returned! Whatever will happen next? Will Doc M suddenly reappear, as well???
Seriously, Bill, it is good to hear from you, although I am sorry to learn of your health problems. It sounds as though they have been resolved, and yes... Miracles Do Happen!
Stick around for a while! |
| Bill R |
Posted - December 04 2010 : 9:04:12 PM
LISTEN to them Rich. It's better to talk than to crawl into a hole, or shut out those who can best help you withstand the storm. And, of course, there is One who is most able to give peace and calm any storm. You have my prayers my old friend. Trust me, He can accomplish miracles. Going from Stage Four congestive heart failure to back to normal overnight qualify as a miracle? Ask any nurse.........He CAN help you. |
| shadawick |
Posted - December 04 2010 : 12:23:29 PM
Thanks for the update!
Just a reminder, If it weren't for the bad times, we could not really appreciate the good!
I know Christmas can bring it's own stresses and emotions so try, try, try to draw from good friends and share their Christmas spirit and activities. It can help greatly over the holidays!
Rich, I continue to hold you in my daily prayers! |
| richfed |
Posted - December 04 2010 : 11:44:43 AM
Summary:
- MRI - Negative
- Memory Assessment - Negative
- Counseling - Medication & Therapy proceeding nicely
- Sleep Clinic - scheduled in mid-January
- Financial situation - Horrendous
- All-in-all - Better, but a very unstable situation for me at "home"
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| Seamus |
Posted - October 24 2010 : 07:16:03 AM
Glad to know you are like the rest of us, Sachem!
Huzzah!! |
| IWLFNDU |
Posted - October 23 2010 : 11:08:00 AM
Could not agree with shadawick morewhenever we feel that we are the only ones going through somethingbe it physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, social, whatever--we have to take some comfort in knowing that we are not alone in our struggles, that millions of others are going through the same thing and often times many are going through something much worse. The only difference is how we a handle it and what works to make us better. As difficult as it can be, counting the blessings we do have and being proactive is always a good start. And I think you are doing just that, Rich. |
| shadawick |
Posted - October 23 2010 : 10:43:21 AM
Hi Rich, That is great news that there is no "physical," problem!
The Depression, anxiety and insomnia can be dealt with!
I have a good feeling that you are just around the corner to feeling better both physical and emotional!
Bottom line you are NOT CRAZY, your just like a lot of other folks. The economic fiasco we are in, has and is taking it's toll on millions, oftentimes, those folks lose their health insurance which also limits access to health care.
I am sorry that I don't have a solution to your housing problem, but would suggest something that a friend of mine is doing. Basically he is a property caretaker or house-sitter if you will, especially for a lot of the seasonal folks from Florida. It gives him room, a variety in his life and the occasional outdoor and physical activity has helped his overall health. If your interested you might want to run an "ad," in your local paper.
I have and will continue to hold you in my daily prayers! |
| richfed |
Posted - October 23 2010 : 10:26:48 AM
Brief update ... I am crazy!!!!
Had a face-to-face with the psycho-nerd who did that memory assessment test on me. This was a review and results meeting done this past Thursday afternoon before he fired off the results to my regular doctor and my "therapist". Turns out, I scored the very highest in the memory section of the test!! Go figure! My lowest scores came in the attention sections. Combining this with my MRI results, I can confidently state there are no tumors, lesions, or any other brain defects, no signs of Alzheimer's or dementia ... there is nothing wrong up there. Simply put, I am just a loon!
All my symptoms can be attributed to stress and anxiety that has become worse and worse over the last several years and life-long, albeit in spurts, chronic depression that has really never been treated - all exacerbated by my insomnia. It's my own version of which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Now, for a place to live ... anybody need a roommate?  |
| Kay |
Posted - October 13 2010 : 10:31:40 AM
I know that neither one of us really "knows" each other. However,despite this and the fact that I haven't been around here much, I truly think of you and everyone on the board most every day- you're never far from my mind. Even though we are more like passing aquaintances then friends (as I am with everyone else on here) I like knowing that all of you "Kindred Spirits" as I like to say, are out there in the world. Knowing you are there does me good. I have some very close friends in my life who are going through extremely stressful and at times absolutely devasting experiences but that doesn't change my feelings for them one bit. They are as important to me as ever! That being said, I admire you and the board very much, you are in my prayers, and I hope that you and all of us get through the day to day so when the time is right- we'll all still be one Mohicanland and I will get the chance to see you in person. So hang on and keep in touch!
Kay |
| shadawick |
Posted - October 13 2010 : 10:01:40 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Wilderness Woman
I think that what people are trying to say to you, Rich, is that you should NOT stop posting in this thread. If you feel the need to talk... talk to us right here. We will listen and we may offer advice, which you can take or leave. But just know that we care about you and your well-being.
I agree 100% with WW!
Hope your having a "better day today!"
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